When a Turkey Shoot Isn't

By Valerie Laprad

"Well, I didn't know," I proclaimed in my own defense to a roomful of incredulous onlookers, staring at me in awe. All activity in the office came to an instant and silent stop, until they exploded in laughter. The next time I have an epiphany in public, I plan to keep it to myself.

TurkeyReally, how serious a social faux paus was it to think that they actually shoot turkeys at a turkey shoot? How was I supposed to know that? I mean, there are just some tidbits of information you don't pick up along your "life's highway." You learn things from the moment you are born: how to cry, how to walk, how to get money from Grandpa when Mom isn't looking, how to do long division. which offers a refresher course in how to cry. You learn about things that are vital to your survival as a human being and you learn really stupid trivia, which you can show off during party games. For instance, did you know it's physically impossible to lick your elbow? See? I KNEW that, but it paled in comparison to that one little thing I didn't know in the office the other day. I can explain the theories of Gestalt psychology and I can compare and contrast the different neurotransmitters! Doesn't that count? Apparently not.

You learn things either directly or indirectly; by observation, personal experience or by the transmission of information from one person to another. At no point in my life has the concept of a turkey shoot ever been an issue.
I've heard the term, faintly, but I never paid close attention, as it had nothing even remotely to do with anything I would ever come in contact with.

I own a gun but it's only for shooting something that plans to hurt me or mine and I have never felt particularly threatened by a turkey. The only experience I've had with turkeys is on the celebrated day with it roasted and gleaming in the middle of my table. I was often thankful that I hadn't had to shoot it or cook it.

You can't be expected to "just know" that they don't shoot turkeys at turkey shoots. Doesn't it stand to reason that they would? They hunt foxes on a fox hunt. When people go deer hunting, they aren't looking for three-toed sloths. So, at a turkey shoot? Right, feathers should be flying. It made sense to me. However, I am glad to know they aren't shooting poor, defenseless turkeys. If you want a turkey, get it the nice humane way – in the freezer section of the grocery store.

By the way, they have offered to take me snipe hunting.

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